He Sees You When You’re Sleeping

Whether you call him Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, or Kris Kringle, most children love him unconditionally. They spend months anticipating the arrival of December, trudging through tedious holiday traditions, and begrudgingly obeying their authority figures for the whole year, just hoping to stay in Santa Claus’s good graces. Most decry Santa Claus as a simple fable told to children for this sheer purpose — namely, to satiate the magical itch innate within children while simultaneously providing them with positive incentives for submitting to authority. However, unpacking the myth of Santa Claus reveals he is far from the philanthropic luminary one might initially assume. Rather, the politics of Santa Claus bear disturbing similarities to the most repugnant historical regimes of the modern period; put simply, Santa Claus is a fascist.

In political scientist Dr. Lawrence Britt’s 2003 article Fascism, Anyone?, he delineates the fourteen “tenets of fascism”, which are as follows: (1) powerful and continuous nationalism, (2) disdain for human rights, (3) identification of enemies/scapegoats for unifying purposes, (4) military supremacy, (5) rampant sexism, (6) controlled mass media, (7) obsession with national security, (8) intertwinement of religion and government, (9) protected corporate power, (10) suppressed power of labor, (11) disdain/suppression of intellectuals, (12) obsession with crime and punishment, (13) corruption, and (14) fraudulent elections. Did it ever cross your mind that such attributes could be referring to the Father of Christmas himself?

(1) Powerful and continuous nationalism. Antarctica is the only continent without an indigenous human civilization, implying that Santa Claus acquired his dictatorial control of the North Pole through colonialism, enslaving the entire native elf population in doing so. That is to say, Santa Claus was only able to establish his sovereign territory by seizing land from natives through ruthless military conquest and subsequently exploiting those natives for their labor potential (more on these notions in successive points). With the collective power of his myrmidons, Santa Claus has extended his sphere of influence to impact each continent. Since fascists strongly repel globalism, it may be thought that Santa Claus as a proxy for globalization impedes the theory of his fascist tendencies, which is not the case. Crucially, we must understand that Santa Claus’s empire itself is not globalist; he simply has enough leverage for his regime to exert considerable influence on others during the festive season. Much like how the Third Reich’s expansionary foreign policy did not undercut its resolute nationalism, Santa Claus’s annual actions abroad and mythos in popular culture make no bearing on his ironclad hold over the North Pole. Decade after decade, Santa Claus enforces the dilemma in which the notion that his government can do no wrong allows his government to do whatever it wills.

(2) Disdain for human rights. If there’s one thing Santa Claus longs for more than nationalism or milk and cookies, it’s got to be… disdain for human rights. Nowhere does this manifest more clearly than in the example of the elves. While not human themselves, elves think similarly, act similarly, and are shaped similarly. Thus, for the purposes of this piece, they should be fully extended human rights (pursuant to the United Nations’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 1948). These natives of the Arctic slave away for hours upon hours on end, forced to conduct fatiguing labor to maintain Santa Claus’s empire and produce millions of toys in a matter of months. Santa Claus maintains complete confidentiality of his elves’ working milieu, but it’s rather easy to piece together the atrocity of their conditions; after all, why would he, other than to maintain public support, be so secretive? Santa Claus actively swindles the elves’ labor by manipulating their “sub-human” status to eschew the ramifications of mass exploitation. In unjustly treating elves like such, he is able to abuse their labor potential through otherization; however, discrimination on a strictly species-based level is still as morally unjust as the more formalized notions of bigotry, such as racism, sexism, and homophobia. This corrupt method of labor exploitation amounts to no greater purpose than to feed the supremacy Santa Claus thrives on and strengthen his fascist grip on both elves and humanity.

(3) Identification of enemies/scapegoats for unifying purposes. Santa Claus not only exploits hard-working laborers; he also identifies and exploits his enemies in the name of upholding a moral code. How does Santa Claus identify enemies, you ask? Who even are his enemies? Put simply, they’re children who refuse to perfectly conform to his morals, his ethics, and his laws. They’re children who talk back to their parents. Children who utter swear words. Children who don’t do their chores. Notice how perfectly easy it is to be labelled as an enemy to the Santa Claus cause; once someone is, they’re shamed, punished, and given coal. In fact, being on the “naughty list” is such a widespread sin that those classified as such later feel obligated to abide by the very moral code that Santa Claus had originally intended. His coercion technique is subtle, yes, but certainly noticeable and a burden to those who suffer from being victimized. Notably, such a set of ethics indoctrinates children with values of docility, teaching them to avoid questioning authority, to accept unjust social structures, and to resolutely support the status quo — regardless of how corrupt it may be; this moral code breeds ignorance and blind conformity in situations more extensive than just Santa Claus’s own regime. Thus, by enabling shame to be brought upon divergents, Santa Claus successfully enhances support for the fascistic unification of his sovereign territory, promotes tractability, and conducts the inculcation of submissive attitudes towards those in power.

(4) Military supremacy. Let’s skip this one for now. I was initially prepared to propose the “Santa Claus Military Theory”; unfortunately, the prevailing literature offers so little on this topic that any possible conclusions would be equal parts speculation and fabrication. And, trust me, nobody wants that. Recall that not all fascist empires satisfy each of the fourteen guidelines; they are merely basic principles and not a concrete checklist for all fascist regimes.

(5) Rampant sexism. Santa Claus manages a multi-billion dollar transnational economic empire, overseeing marketing, manufacturing, fulfillment, and transport of goods for the many millions of his supporters; in contrast, Mrs. Claus is presented as a devoted wife who is often pictured in an apron, baking cookies. Santa Claus implicitly enforces the concept of a big, hunky man (himself) taking the glory of harsh and breadwinning jobs (like delivering millions of presents), while a woman, Mrs. Claus, is a mere homemaker. Given that Mrs. Claus is ~1139 years old, she is clearly imbued with magical properties akin to that of Santa Claus, meaning that she is perfectly capable of partaking in the same intense workload as her male counterpart; so, why doesn’t she? To chalk this up to the idea that “somebody needs to be at home” would be horrifically reductive, not to mention hypocritical and inapplicable to an immeasurably wealthy family such as the Clauses. Santa Claus simultaneously has thousands, if not millions, of elf slaves who labor tirelessly at his disposal, denying them the freedom to be at home when they please. He can certainly have them handle the upkeep of his properties and personally take far better care of his wife yet refuses to, and he instead relegates her to the kitchen to execute “inferior” womanly chores. His whole inception in popular culture seems to be a classic enforcement of the nuclear family — yet another media figure who reduces the roles of women to caregivers and waiters for the men in their life. If you think that’s an overstatement, consider this: does Mrs. Claus even have a first name? Or, was her individualism stripped as soon she married Santa Claus? Is she now considered nothing but his arm candy? His property? Does that, by any chance, sound like a toxic gender stereotype to you?

By the same token, the reindeer who drive Santa Claus’s gift delivery operation are often presented as male; notably, the story of Rudolph is told from the perspective of a young male reindeer. Biologically, though, Santa Claus’s reindeer are actually female; male reindeer lose their antlers by the end of the mating season (after November) while female reindeer maintain their antlers throughout the holiday season and the remains of the winter. Thus, Santa Claus’s astounding gift delivery operation is actually powered by females, yet popular culture still refers to them as male — probably because “women aren’t as strong”. If Santa Claus were truly in favor of equality, he would have corrected such an oversight on the record. As of the writing of this essay, however, he has not.

That aside, the gender-labelling of toys, a phenomenon that was constructed by corporations to drive up consumer purchases (given the likelihood of multiple children), perpetuates a harmful standard of what children of certain gender identities should or should not like. Lots of boys like cats, rainbows, and unicorns. Tons of girls enjoy dinosaurs, trucks, and superheroes. Many children aren’t sure exactly where they fit on the gender spectrum — gender identity is not entirely binary — and that’s okay, but the sociological implications of Santa Claus’s toy empire is certainly troubling. Being misgendered can be totally devastating, especially coming from a magical authority figure who’s supposedly a manifestation of pure acceptance and love — one who children are told to look up to. Children don’t have fully developed prefrontal cortexes, which is the area of the brain responsible for personality development and expression, rational thinking, and moderating social behavior, meaning that they are predisposed to processing information and making decisions with their amygdala, which specializes in moderating emotions. Early exposure to strict, stereotypical guidelines sends all children, regardless of their gender identity, very confusing messages about the roles they can assume as adults. When children are taught these harmful stereotypes from an early age, especially coming from an avatar whom they respect most dearly, they accept such detrimental standards and integrate them into their perception of reality, limiting who they think they can become and further preserving the inequitably patriarchal social structure.

(6) Controlled mass media. Picture this: it’s December. You’re bored and would like to listen to music, so you turn on the radio. It’s playing Christmas music, as it has been since Thanksgiving ended, and you’re sick of it. Dissatisfied and still bored, you turn on the television, only to find that it’s streaming a holiday movie marathon. Not to mention, the segments of advertisements in between are all Christmas-themed. Everything you see or hear for the whole month of December, often stretching back into November (and much earlier!), is red and green propaganda. Year after year, Santa Claus maintains this pure, unadulterated, propagandized control over media outlets through an entire season; anybody who can assert otherwise is entirely benighted, and they must be so, so lucky. Santa Claus’s rise to fame can, without a doubt, be partially attributed to his sheer manipulation of the mass media. He controls it. There is no way to preclude his control. He uses it to his desires. And you can’t do anything about it.

(7) Obsession with national security. Have you heard the Christmas song Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town? Well, if you have, you know that it declares that Santa Claus “sees you when you’re sleeping / And he knows when you’re awake / He knows if you’ve been bad or good…” If you haven’t heard this song, I have no choice but to assume you live under a rock (or, at least, somewhere more desolate than the North Pole); but, I just delineated the lyrics and overarching sentiment of the song, so you’re now up to speed. Regardless, isn’t such a concept of 24/7 surveillance a bit… unnerving? This ideology is no deep state conspiracy; Santa Claus himself affirms it in his song. He has an undeniably illegitimate amount of leverage against us, the average people; the capacity for surveillance he possesses grants him the ability to make decisions for the millions of children who are at his fingertips — you know, the ones who fear they may miss out on presents if they act otherwise. That is to say, you have been spied on. You are still being spied on. And, not just by the NSA. I’d say that’s quite appalling, don’t you think?

(8) Intertwinement of religion and government. All of Santa Claus’s unscrupulous deeds culminate in the celebration of Christmas. A linguistic tracing back of the word “Christmas” leads us to the phrase “Crīstes Mæsse”, which is essentially old English for “Christ’s Mass”. Throughout the holiday season, the focus shifts between Santa Claus’s fascist empire and the holy Christian figure, St. Nicholas — they are not the same. Regardless, due to the timing of Santa Claus’s arrival, Christmas carols, advertisements, and decorations bring about a form of religious ideologies; Biblical morality is espoused right alongside the ideas of Santa Claus. Because Christianity is the most practiced religion in the world, having around 2.4 billion adherents, Santa Claus exploits the common celebration of this Christian holiday to draw more people towards his fascist regime. By intertwining Christianity and his festive empire, Santa Claus can actively allure more people into his authoritarian trap.

(9) Protected corporate power. While Santa Claus is perceived as a communist-adjacent figure in the minds of many, such a notion could not be farther from the truth; in fact, it just speaks to the depth of the propaganda surrounding Santa Claus and his empire. If elves are producing gifts independently — without any exchange between large corporations and Santa Claus himself — why do gifts always contain packaging that advertises large corporations? There must be some sort of collaboration and transaction between the two. Santa Claus applies corporate packaging and advertisements to be distributed through his means, provoking an increase in corporate profits; in turn, the corporations utilize their economic leverage to spread Santa Claus’s image — his façade of being jolly and philanthropic. Maintaining such a status quo requires docility from the ordinary individual, and corporations can utilize their media influence to do so. After all, mass media outlets are often manipulated and operated by large corporate donors; these corporations exploit their donations as leverage, conveying bias in the media to generate private profit. For instance, take Santa Claus’s long history of collaboration with the 74 billion dollar corporation Coca-Cola, which was the first to incorporate Santa Claus’s design into their advertising. The corporation portrayed Santa Claus as a jolly, cheerful old man in the media; so, in due course, Santa Claus oversaw the spike in Coca-Cola sales for the whole month of December, subsequently causing gift-receivers to become hooked onto Coca-Cola and producing long-term consumers. Santa Claus is a staple in and cog of corporate power, satiating people with an annual bout of presents while corporations quickly respond by milking such compensation dry; thus, he perpetuates the power and influence that corporations hold over the average consumer and simultaneously bolsters the activity of his own empire.

(10) Suppressed power of labor. Labor power refers to the control that the proletariat maintains over their own working rights. Given that Santa Claus possesses unadulterated sovereignty over his fascist regime, it stands to reason that the elves cannot unionize. Without such collective power, the elves cannot prevent Santa Claus from gaining substantial passive income through returns on his enormous amounts of accrued capital; since lucre is generated over commodity instead of labor, Santa Claus can undervalue elf labor so that all net profit benefits himself — despite his lack of work — and not the laboring elves. In essence, Santa Claus perpetuates this key facet of capitalism, making himself more and more powerful while making the elves, who are actually executing the fatiguing labor, less and less powerful.

(11) Disdain/suppression of intellectuals. I can’t quite say that Santa Claus disdains intellectuals, but I’d certainly say he supports those who conform to the same system that oppresses them and punishes those who don’t. Intellectuals are mentally able to identify, dissect, and make connections between the world’s negative trends; they are able to understand concepts that are considered unauthorized and radical. Be that as it may, awareness of such ideals does not guarantee belief in or action against those ideals, but it certainly poses the threat of informing the remains of ignorant society. If you dare rebel, or merely stumble upon the fact that Santa Claus is not all that he seems, you have betrayed Santa Claus’s wishes and moral code. You have lost the love of the man. And, you will be receiving coal, which is, somehow, the most creative punishment he could think of.

(12) Obsession with crime and punishment. Are you able to recall any childhood memories in which you were deliberately acting out against your parents? That’s great. Questioning authority is great. Are you able to recall your parents telling you, in that moment, that Santa Claus would put you on the “naughty list” if you kept up your bad behavior? That’s not great. Incentivizing conformity to what are most certainly brainwashed standards is definitely not great. As aforementioned with regards to identifying enemies for unification, children are taught that they must obey Santa Claus’s standards, or else they will be put on the “naughty list” and receive nothing but coal for Christmas. Santa Claus utilizes this odd yet cruel punishment to ensure that children are inherently brainwashed into conforming to his moral code. This way, he is able to coerce people into the standards of his fascist empire. By emphasizing punitive rather than rehabilitative modes of punishment (giving people no chance to work their way off of his arbitrarily determined “naughty list” once put on), we see that Santa Claus’s true intentions are not to foster growth but to entrench submission.

(13) Corruption. There isn’t much new information to add regarding the fascist tenet of “corruption”, for Santa Claus violates elf rights, supports sexism, and maintains mass surveillance; among others on his list of corrupt habits, these are well enough to satisfy this thirteenth principle. In fact, his whole gimmick revolves entirely around being corrupt; considering he’s made it a whopping 1750 years pulling these tricks, I would say he’s certainly using his magic for nefarious purposes.

Finally, (14) fraudulent elections. Have you ever heard of democratic elections and the peaceful transition of power in the Arctic? No. No, you haven’t. Santa Claus does not play with the idea of elections. He does not entertain voting in the slightest. He does not influence constituent voting in any way. Yet, he, his family, and his elf slaves are the only permanent inhabitants of the North Pole, and he possesses unmitigated dominance over his empire — not to mention considerable influence over most other countries, too. He is a downright global dictator who has, somehow, successfully achieved world domination by exchanging his fascist ruling for just one day of gifts. So, while not quite fitting the election criteria, I’d say he engages in something far more sinister. After all, there’s no need for elections if nobody is willing — or able — to challenge you in the first place.

Now that we’ve established a baseline of Santa Claus’s fascistic tendencies through Dr. Britt’s fourteen “tenets of fascism”, we can turn to The Doctrine of Fascism, written in 1932 by former Italian Prime Minister Benito Mussolini, founder and leader of the National Fascist Party.

Mussolini underscores that, “[Fascism] sees not only the individual but the nation and the country; individuals and generations bound together by a moral law, with common traditions.” Year after year, devoted Santa Claus adherents refer to Christmas traditions. Decorating a tree, drinking eggnog, making snowmen, setting out milk and cookies — these are Christmas traditions. But, how do they bind the populace and uphold civil society? Well, for a whole month, often more, Santa Claus becomes the center of attention; his figure seeks for all to unite under his idea. Traditions such as leaving out milk and cookies are merely appraising a charismatic leader, which is a common trait amongst fascist dictators. He implicitly binds his adherents through these traditions and creates a cult of personality, which instigates a collective that restricts an individual’s purpose from the group, especially with the focus on “morality” being so prevalent around this time. Accentuating a “moral law”, fascism inherently emphasizes morality itself as a concept, parallel to how those who fit Santa Claus’s moral code are gifted, whereas those who do not receive coal.

By the same token, the Santa Claus hat has become a tradition in itself! A strong, staple uniform is common in fascist empires — Hitler had a signature cap, too. Santa Claus has a slightly different approach, selecting a softer, perhaps fuzzier, propaganda tool; he builds trust upon the appearance of a jolly man, and the outfit plays a prominent role in his kind, as juxtaposed with feared, appearance. In dressing like Santa Claus around the Christmas season, people have allowed infiltration into the family structure through striking propaganda. Thus far, Santa Claus seems to piece together well with the concept of fascism — the concept of a collective bound together by a tradition.

Santa Claus further utilizes mass mobilization to strategically enhance his prevalence and power; he infiltrates lives through festive parties, caroling events, family gatherings, and, famously, the Christmas parade. Nobody bothers to deposit a second thought at these events; they simply dance, party, have fun, and celebrate. Do they care about the implications of the events while promoting and participating in them? Not often. Such is the tactic of mass mobilization, which Santa Claus has employed to great effect in proliferating his reign.

Moreover, the cult of personality that Santa Claus has established for himself augments the perpetual cycle between the public’s trust and his power. Thomas A. Wright states in his 2013 paper What is character and why does it really matter that “the cult of personality phenomenon refers to the idealized, even god-like, public image of an individual consciously shaped and molded through constant propaganda and media exposure. As a result, one is able to manipulate others based entirely on the influence of public personality… the cult of personality perspective focuses on the often shallow, external images that many public figures cultivate to create an idealized and heroic image.” Santa Claus controls the mass media for months, and his authority over media outlets allows for an overly shallow portrayal — a public image of altruism that fails to elucidate his nefarious deeds. As an idolized figure who many look up to, he possesses enough influence to manipulate people with his identity alone; by rewarding conformity and punishing divergence, Santa Claus coerces people into abiding by his moral code, fortifying his empire. Additionally, considering his favorable relation with large corporations that also, in part, control mass media outlets, Santa Claus has the leverage to inhibit “rival cults”, enabling him to draw up more supporters and maintain public ignorance. By cleverly maneuvering the mass media, Santa Claus has infiltrated millions of lives and used his public personality to manipulate people into conformity to the morals of his sovereignty. In turn, the flattery and praise he receives provide momentum to keep his operation running, allowing him to continue conducting his scandal — with sheer ignorance from his adherents.

For centuries, Santa Claus’s fascist empire has thrived off of oblivious and assumed support; despite the philanthropic image he has cultivated for himself, Santa Claus is the world’s most successful and long standing dictator; he has been managing an inexplicably corrupt operation, executing innumerable, blasphemous sins and perpetuating a cycle of corruption and supremacy. Dr. Lawrence Britt’s fourteen facets in Fascism, Anyone?, principles from Benito Mussolini’s The Doctrine of Fascism, and the ideology of personality cults from Thomas A. Wright’s What is character and why does it really matter conclusively demonstrate this fraud of Santa Claus’s incontrovertibly fascist regime.

This holiday season, reject Santa Claus’s fascist advances. He seeks to assert rule, steal your rights, and terminate your individualism. If you truly have regards for confronting fascism in America, start by bringing your unwavering support for this charlatan to an expeditious end.

Works Cited

Britt, Lawrence W. Fascism, Anyone? 2nd ed., vol. 23, 2003.

Draft Committee, United Nations. Universal Declaration of Human Rights. United Nations General Assembly, 1948.

Mussolini, Benito, and Giovanni Gentile. The Doctrine of Fascism. 1932.

Wright, Thomas A. What Is Character and Why Does It Really Matter. 2013.